Living In Integrity

“If you have integrity, nothing else matters. 

If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.”

–Harvey Mackay

Here’s something I never thought I’d say: I attended a conference for entrepreneurs. Over the years, I’ve been to countless medical conferences where the atmosphere is familiar—professional attire, slides filled with data, and plenty of note-taking. But this conference was different. It pushed me to rethink ideas I thought I had a solid grasp on. One afternoon, we dedicated hours to exploring the concept of integrity. I went in thinking I knew what integrity meant, but as the discussion deepened, I found myself surprised by the insights and revelations that emerged.

What is integrity? Simply put, integrity is your word. It is the things you said you would do, what you know to do, what is expected of you, and what you stand for. It is abiding by moral, ethical, and legal standards. As physicians, we pride ourselves on integrity. Our integrity is everything. Trust is inherently linked to integrity.

As the topic of integrity was explored, the speaker asked a vital question: “Where do you lack integrity in your life?” My initial thoughts were: I’m good. I am true to my word. Next topic, please.

As if the speaker knew I needed to dig deeper, she told a story involving being two minutes late to work. No biggie. Two minutes. Who cares? While processing the conversation with her boss, she asked herself an important question: Am I not on time because I don’t think it matters if I am here? My heart stopped as my thoughts were immediately directed to my family.

As I wrap up patient care each evening, I text my wife to let her know I’m finishing up: “Just finished my last case. Hopefully, leaving in an hour.” She usually texts back: “Sounds good.” About two hours later, as I walk out the door, I text her my official ETA.

If you asked my wife if she ever fully believes the first text is accurate, she would surely respond: No. Why? Because I am out of integrity. I have been out of integrity so often that she essentially ignores that first text, awaiting the more credible later text: “Leaving now.” But my wife isn’t the only victim of my being out of integrity. My children also suffer.

This realization was a mic drop. Until now, I always made working late about misaligned priorities. I judged myself for prioritizing my work and not my family. But if I am speaking freely, this has always been so hard to reconcile because I absolutely prioritize my family—100%. I just can’t get home on time. So, where is the disconnect? The answer lies in my integrity.

I know how to be on time. I am in integrity when I show up early for procedures and clinic. I am ready to go at least 30 minutes before my official start time. I am “in integrity” at work. To my great dismay, I am not in integrity with my family. Which, if you are connecting the dots, means that I don’t think my presence at home matters. I spent some time examining that thought and found some truth in it. I stay at work because it matters. I am solely responsible for the care of my patients. If I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. Home is another story. My wife takes impeccable care of our children. She dotes on them and attends to their every whim. I know she would like my help, but she doesn’t need my help. I have complete confidence that she can do it without me.

(Yikes. I am cringing as I write this, read it back, and imagine my wife hearing these thoughts for the first time.)

Some might choose to judge or criticize themselves based on this revelation. I, however, saw this as great news. Why? Because I am a person who prides himself on his high level of integrity. The idea that my priorities were out of line never sat well with me, and trying to figure out how to align my time and priorities was a constant struggle. Alternatively, knowing I am out of integrity with my wife and children feels different. It is a different problem to solve, and I am incredibly motivated to fix it. It fascinates me that the solution is the same, but a slight shift in perspective provides all the motivation needed to enact a much-needed change.

I am not under the false assumption that I will enact a change tomorrow that will entirely place myself in integrity with my family. I will, however, be better about recognizing when I am in or out of integrity. As with all problems, the first step is identifying the issue. Once I see that I am out of integrity, I can learn to communicate better. When I realize I will not be leaving at the expected time, I will immediately let my wife and kids know. I can then communicate a plan to do better next time and how to address the failure: “Daddy is so sorry he won’t be home to read a chapter of that book at bedtime, so tomorrow we will read two chapters.”

When thinking about integrity, consider: What have I said I would do that I haven’t done? Dig deep. Some of the most impactful areas are the hardest to recognize. When you find an area of your life that is not in integrity, do not add shame or judgment. It is okay that things don’t happen as you said or thought they would. This is the point to identify and communicate. What will you do in the future to prevent this from happening again? How will you address the impact of the failure on others?

Your word carries weight to the degree that your word carries truth. You are your word. Be impeccable. 

Have you made a promise to yourself or someone else? Did you keep it? How does that make you feel? Do you feel more or less empowered? Is it possible to honor your word without keeping your promise? 

Feeling stuck and trying to figure out “What’s Next?” I invite you to download my FREE GUIDE: The 5 Essential Steps Every Physician Needs To Figure Out “What’s Next?”

This resource offers practical, actionable steps to help you take back control of your career, set clear goals, and make consistent progress toward the life you genuinely want.

PS. I get a lot of inspiration from music lyrics. Many people use inspiring quotes (and I do, too), but music really speaks to me. I hope you find inspiration in the songs, too.

Neil Diamond - I Am...I Said

Click here to read the lyrics.