The Gift of Accepting Compliments

“Learning to accept compliments gracefully is a vital part of learning to love yourself.”
―Unknown 

Early in my coaching journey, I complimented my physician coach on an enlightening session.  She responded, “I accept your compliment with gratitude.” I raised a curious eyebrow, “Huh?” She went on to tell me that in her quest to conquer Imposter Syndrome, she consciously decided to embrace and accept compliments fully.  She was committed to not brushing off kind words as simple gestures.  Instead, she was dedicated to receiving them.

People shy away from accepting compliments for many reasons, but disbelief plays a prominent role.

• I don’t think what they said is true.
• If I believe what they said is true, it means I am not humble.
• I’m just doing my job.
• Anyone would do the same thing in the same situation.

I started to think about the times I received compliments and how I responded.  This issue frequently arose in clinic.  A patient would express gratitude, and I would quickly change the subject.  I didn’t intend to be rude or ungrateful.  My mind was often so focused on the ‘next thing’ that I immediately lost sight of the compliment in the present moment.

Several problems arise when we think this way.  First and foremost, we center ourselves at the focus of the compliment.  We forget the compliment-giver’s vulnerability.  Giving a compliment requires courage and openness.  When you fail to accept a compliment, you deny the vulnerability of the compliment-giver.  You also invalidate their experience.  In your disbelief, you also deny your greatest attributes.  You don’t allow yourself to be seen by the most important person of all: Yourself.  

So, how do you go about fully accepting a compliment? 

Start with generous listening.  

• Allow the compliment-giver an opportunity to express their gratitude.
• Remain present and avoid distractions.
• Maintain eye contact.  
• Do not interrupt or diminish their experience. 

Next, accept the compliment.

• Wow!  Thank you so much.  That really means so much to me.
• You are so kind.
• I love hearing this. 
• Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

It can feel awkward and clunky if you’ve never entirely accepted a compliment like this.  But most people also notice an intense feeling of fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy in recognizing a job well done.  It also helps cultivate relationships and creates deep, meaningful bonds.  You get to experience the incredible impact of a job well done.  

As my physician coaching journey progressed, I learned to lean into the discomfort of new experiences.  I recall the first time a patient complimented my bedside manner as I hurriedly entered orders at the end of her visit.  I reminded myself to pause, stopped entering the orders, and looked up from my screen as she detailed her experience.  When she finished, I replied: “I cannot tell you how much that means.  So many days, all I hear about are the things that have gone wrong.  It’s so nice to hear that things are going well.  Thank you so much.”

Before that visit, I felt hurried and rushed as I raced through my morning clinic, thinking about the messages piling up in my InBasket.  After that visit, I was able to remind myself that I was doing good work and that my patients appreciated me.  It changed the entire trajectory of my day.

Once I learned to accept compliments, I began to give more compliments.  Like accepting compliments, this was not a habit I had previously been accustomed to.  It felt awkward, clunky, vulnerable, and a little raw.  What I also noticed was how it made people feel seen.  Giving a compliment provided me with the same fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy that receiving a compliment had given me.   

It may seem trivial, but learning to accept compliments can be transformative for you and your relationships.  I’ve detailed my experiences here in the context of patient care, but do not underestimate the power of compliments with your staff or at home with your family.  When was the last time you genuinely complimented your spouse?  When was the last time your kid thanked you for being an incredible parent, and you allowed yourself to feel the compliment fully?  This simple tool can make all the difference in your relationships.

Can you think back to the last time you received a compliment?  How did you respond?  Did the compliment-giver feel heard?   Were you able to be fully present and receive the compliment?  How might you respond to a compliment next time?

Feeling stuck and trying to figure out “What’s Next?” I invite you to download my FREE GUIDE: The 5 Essential Steps Every Physician Needs To Figure Out “What’s Next?”

This resource offers practical, actionable steps to help you take back control of your career, set clear goals, and make consistent progress toward the life you genuinely want.

PS.  I get a lot of inspiration from music lyrics.  Many people use inspiring quotes (and I do, too), but music really speaks to me.  I hope you find inspiration in the songs, too.

Selena Gomez & The Scene - Who Says

Click here for the lyrics.